4.30.09

Today’s been one of those thinking days, a lot of unnecessary over-thinking, but some completely necessary thinking. With that thinking comes a lot of life evaluation, some doubt, and some praise and thanks
I’m sitting here and listening to Telecast, and as I do I find myself sad about Josh Whites departure at Solid Rock. For those who don’t know, Josh White is the worship leader at my church, and he’s recently left in order to plant another church in Portland. While I’m overjoyed at the idea that he’s following God’s calling on his life and bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth, I continue to find myself sad that he won’t be leading anymore, and as that emotion comes I reevaluate my position towards church. If I can get upset that worship is no longer going to be lead by this one man, than maybe the reasons I go to church are wrong. Church should not be about what I can gain, but what I can give to it, and as I sit here and see the reaction to one man’s absence I realize that maybe I’m wrong.
I’ve also found myself having doubts about my life, about choices that are coming my way, about things that are coming on. When I say doubt, I don’t necessarily mean I question what I’m doing, but rather think to myself “what the heck am I supposed to be doing with what’s already been given to me?” Life’s not about what happens, but how we react to it, and that’s where I’m stuck over thinking. It comforts me to know that if I devote my life to God, that everything else will fall into place. It comforts me to know that what God has in store for me far surpasses anything that I could set up for myself. As I was walking, thinking about my questions, feeling bad about doubts it hit me (maybe it was God walking me up?). People say that if you don’t have doubts about God/the Bible then you’re not digging deep enough, or trying hard enough. Well maybe if I wasn’t trying hard enough, or digging deep enough into this life that God has given me then I wouldn’t be having these doubts. Maybe it’s a blessing that I may have the doubts I’m having. Either way I know that I need to get over it and start praising the God who blesses me beyond measure, beyond anything I deserve. Praise God.
With all that said, today was our last excursion. We went to a place called Stellenbosch (spelling?). Stellenbosch is the second oldest city in South Africa (not that it looks that way) and is known for its vineyards. We got to eat a great mean at one of the vineyards, got to hang around, and the big climax…we got to go to a cheetah farm. This place raises cheetahs to raise awareness of the decrease of the population. We payed a small fee to get into the place, and then you could pay more to actually go in and pet a cheetah. I opted to save money, but still was blown away about being so close to these animals that I was actually able to reach through the fence and touch a few of them who were laying down…maybe not a good idea, but I did it.
Anyway that’s about it for now. Today was the first day that I’ve really wanted to be home. I want to see my family, my friends, etc. I guess it’s coming at the right time, but I’m going to still fight to enjoy and seize every second I have left here. Pray for the same please. Good chatting with you all!